To Be With You
by Timetodance0110
Summary: Remus' mind is full of problems and worries, so he decided to go on walks by himself. But when a big black dog joins him, he decides to share his problems with it, just to get them off his mind. You can share anything with dogs, and they won't judge you, talk back or share your secrets with anyone else. After all, a dog is only a dog. Isn't it?


Remus is sitting by the lake, staring out at the water. The huge Hogwarts castle is behind him, and it's where he should be right now, studying for a Potions test, but he simply couldn't face it. So many things have been on his mind lately, and normally he would talk things over with his three friends, Sirius, James and Peter. But these things, he is keeping them to himself. Sure, he can talk to them about being a werewolf, and he does, and they are a great help, because they help him hide it, and they always help him when he's weak afterwards. But they just don't fully understand. They never will. And sure, he can talk to them about school, and he does, but they have no idea what kind of pressure he is under. Because what kind of a future does he have, really? What, with him being a werewolf. And sure, he can talk to his friends about other things, but the things that have been on his minds lately, he simply can't talk to them about. So he has been going for walks by himself a lot lately. His friends, well, mostly Sirius, had tried to join him, but he had explained that he needed time to clear his head. He needed to be alone.

So here he is, on his own, just staring at the water, thinking about things, worrying. But all of the sudden he hears something behind him, and he quickly grabs his wand, and turns around. But all he can see is a big black dog, and he feels silly. He laughs to himself, and quickly puts away his wand.

"Hi there," he says, and the dog comes up to him, and sits down. Remus has never been a fan of talking to animals, it makes him feel a bit silly, but there's something about this dog… It's his eyes. When he looks into them, he feels like he can trust the dog. It makes him feel less alone, like he has a friend to talk to. Not that he doesn't have friends, but a dog can't talk back. A dog can't laugh at his secrets, or call him out for his thoughts. A dog can be fully trusted.

"What's your name?" Remus asks, checking to see if the dog is wearing a collar with a name tag. But it isn't. "I haven't seen you here before… have you run away? Someone must be missing you… You're quite the beauty, aren't you?" Remus says, and he could've sworn that the dog seemed a bit shy just now. But he feels silly again, and he starts petting the dog. It makes a few satisfied noises, and lies down with his front paws on Remus' lap. Remus keeps staring at the lake, thoughtlessly petting the dog. But before he knows it, he is talking to the dog again.

"I really should be studying, you know? But what's the point?" he says, and he lets out a big sigh. "Even if I get perfect grades, and I keep all this up… being a prefect and all that… what's the point? What am I supposed to do after this? I was lucky to be allowed into Hogwarts in the first place, but… who in their right mind is going to give a job to a werewolf?" Remus asks, and he looks down at the dog, who is looking up at him. The dog makes a sad noise, and Remus can't help but smile. "As if you're understanding a word I'm saying," he laughs to himself. The dog puts its head back down, on his front paws, and Remus looks down at him, smiling. "I wish talking to my friends was easy as talking to you…"

* * *

"You've been gone for ages!" James says, when Remus joins him and Peter in the Gryffindor common room.

"You've even missed dinner," Peter says, while stuffing his face with a chocolate frog. Remus shrugs, and sits down in one of the chairs.

"Where's Sirius?" he asks, changing the subject, as he takes off his shoes.

"He went to the library to study. Or so he said… He's probably meeting some girl out there," James laughs, and Remus can't help but smile. Sirius, studying in the library? As if. But luckily, Peter and James start discussing who the girl might be, and they leave Remus alone about his walks. He follows the discussion between his friends, but they quickly stop when Sirius walks into the room.

"What?" he laughs, when all three of his friends are staring at him.

"So, who is she?" Peter laughs.

"Who is who?"

"The girl you were meeting."

"You do not study, and especially not in the library," Remus laughs, and Sirius shrugs, a half-smile on his face, and they can all see that he had definitely not been studying.

"We were going to see where you were, with who. But then we noticed that you had taken the map with you."

"Yes," Sirius says, and he sits down on Remus' armrest. "I did."

"Why? Because you were meeting someone in secret?"

"Maybe…"

* * *

It's been a few days, and Remus is out for a walk again. His friends are in the dormitory, on their own, and they're standing in the middle of the room.

"Come on, Peter, try again," Sirius says, sounding much sterner than usual.

"I am trying, but I can't do it. It's too difficult!"

"If we can do it, you can," James says, and he sits down on his bed. The three friends have become Animagus', in secret, or rather, they have been practising. Ever since they found out that Remus is a werewolf, they have wanted to do something for him, so he will feel less alone. And when they found out about Animagus', they knew that this was it. Unfortunately, if they were to do it legally, it would take far too long. So they have been practising in secret for a few months now. Sirius can turn into a big black dog, James into a large, impressive stag, but Peter is still struggling with turning into a rat. But they don't want to tell Remus, until they have succeeded. They want it to be a surprise.

"Come on, try again," Sirius repeats, and Peter tries, but fails miserably. His face become rat-like, and he grows a tail, but he is still a human being.

"It's too difficult. Can't we do something else for him?" Peter asks, while his face is becoming normal again.

"No, Remus is our friend, and we are doing this for him. So try again!" Sirius says, and Peter nods, and tries, but fails again. This time turning his upper body into that of a rat, but forgetting the rest of his body.

* * *

"Hello, you," Remus says, as the big black dog comes up to him. It hasn't joined him on all of his walks, but it joins him quite often. He has even started bringing dog snacks, every time hoping to see the dog. He loves his company, and sometimes talking to him. He still has no idea whose dog it is, but he seems healthy, so someone must care of him.

"I really wish I knew your name," he says, petting the dog's head. "Or I could just give you a name myself… I can always call you Snuffles…," he says, and the dog looks up. He can swear that the dog is glaring at him, and he can't help but laugh. "You don't like it, then?" The dog barks, but then licks Remus' hand. "Mhm… Nah, Snuffles it is," Remus eventually laughs, because he really can't think of another name. And he loves the dog's response to the name. The look on the dog's face makes him laugh. And laughing takes his mind off things. So Snuffles it is. "It's almost a full moon, Snuffles," he eventually says, looking up at the sky. The dog cuddles up to him more, and Remus looks down, feeling really quite comforted by the fact that he has someone with him. Even if it is just a dog. He loves hanging out with him. "So I guess I won't be seeing you for a little while… I wish you could come with me. I'm sure it would be safe. But you're someone else's dog… I really wish I could have someone with me when it's a full moon, or that someone would understand how much it hurts," he says, looking down at the dog, who is now looking at him with big eyes. "But my friends are the best, they really are. Especially Sirius. When I get back, he always stays with me until I'm all better again. He's my best friend, you know? No offence, Snuffles," he laughs to himself. "James and Peter are great, but Sirius… well… Can I tell you a little secret, Snuffles?" Remus asks, but then he gets a gut feeling that he should stop talking. He smiles at the dog, and lets out a big sigh. "Never mind."

* * *

It's a few days after the full moon, and Remus is in bed, feeling tired and weak. He had wanted to go for a walk, but he simply couldn't. Stupid as he feels, he is missing Snuffles. He misses talking to someone. But Sirius is sitting by his bedside, telling him about James and Lily, about their failed date, because of an exploding chocolate cake.

"You're not at all listening, are you?" Sirius asks, and Remus shrugs. "What is it?"

"I feel…"

"Talk to me," Sirius tries, but Remus just shrugs. "Please… I can tell that things are troubling you. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. It's just private things," Remus says, but when he sees the hurt look in his friend's eyes, he immediately wishes he could take that back.

"Fine," Sirius says, and he gets up and leaves the room. Remus feels sick with guilt, because why can't he just tell Sirius? Why can't he just talk to him? Why can he only talk to the big black dog?

* * *

It's been a few days, and Remus has been feeling much better. He has been spending more time with his friends again, mostly because of the look on Sirius' face when he had said that he couldn't talk to him because the things on his mind are private. He had felt so guilty about that, that he now feels like he has no choice but to spend more time with his friends. And he has been really enjoying it as well. But he is having a bad day today, and he feels like his head is about to explode. There are simply too many thoughts in there.

"I'm going for a walk," he announces. The four friends had been in the Gryffindor common room, talking about a new spell that they had been taught today. So it had come out of nowhere that Remus is leaving.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Sirius asks, but Remus just shakes his head and leaves. "I'm going to go to the library."

"Again?" James laughs. "She must be pretty great."

"Yeah," Sirius laughs, but it's only half a laugh.

* * *

"Hey you," Remus says, when the big black dog comes up to him. He has been sitting by the lake for a little while. The dog lies down next to him, with his head on Remus' leg. Remus starts petting the dog's head, but he can't get himself to talk to him. There are too many thoughts going around in his head, and he can't think of the right words to get them out. So they just sit there, for a long time, the dog making small noises, Remus enjoying its company. But then he realises which of his problems is the one that is on his mind the most right now.

"I was going to tell you a secret a while ago," he says, and the dog looks up at him with big eyes. "Oh, stop pretending you understand a word I'm saying," Remus laughs. "But I'll tell you, if you promise to keep quiet," he says, and the dog gives a small bark, causing Remus to let out a small chuckle. "I'm in love, Snuffles…" He turns around, just to make sure that no one is around. "Out of all the people that I could fall in love with, I fell in love with my best friend," he says, and the dog makes a sound that sound like half a bark, half like it's crying. "See, even you know that what I just said is wrong… Oh, Snuffles... I've suspected it for a while now. I've been feeling different, I had this feeling, here," he says, as he lays a hand on his chest. "But I was hoping I was wrong, because he is my best friend. But I really can't ignore it anymore, as much as I am trying…" The dog gives him a lick on his hand, and Remus gets a smile on his face again. "But you'll keep it to yourself, won't you?" he laughs, and he bends down, and gives the dog a kiss on the top of his head. "Thank you, Snuffles."

* * *

It's been just over a week, and Remus is in bed, with a headache. His friends hadn't even tried to stay with him, which had only made him feel worse. Little does he know that they had left to practice for their surprise for him. But Peter was still not succeeding, and he and Sirius had gotten into an argument. So Sirius had left.

"What are you doing here?" Remus laughs, when Snuffles walks up to his bed. "How did you get in here? Did someone let you past the Fat Lady?" he laughs, as the dog jumps onto his bed, and cuddles up to him. "I really should try and find out whose dog you are… but I don't think I want to give you back yet," he says, as the dog licks his hand. He starts petting its head, and the dog looks so happy, that it just puts a smile on his face, and his headache seems to just fade away. But then he notices the Marauder's Map on his nightstand. His friends and him had designed it a few months ago, and they still haven't perfected it. Areas are still missing, and they still need to design a front page. But it definitely already works, and it definitely shows where someone is. It is laying opened onto the page with their dormitory on it, and Remus feels a bit sick when he sees not only his name, but also Sirius' name. Is Sirius here, using James' Invisibility Cloak?

"Sirius?" he asks, and he sits up, looking around. But Snuffles jumps off his bed, and runs towards the stairs, and Remus can't help but notice the footsteps on the map moving. "No…" But before he can say another word, Snuffles, the dog he has been spending so much time with, the dog he has been telling his secrets to, the dog he had trusted, turns into his best friend.

"Remus, please let me explain…"

"No, you leave me alone," Remus says, looking more hurt than angry.

"I'm not leaving until you have let me explain," Sirius tries, but Remus storms towards the stairs.

"Please," Sirius tries, grabbing his arm. But then he sees the tears in his best friend's eyes, and he lets go of him. Remus storms out of the room, and Sirius is left behind, feeling sick with guilt.

* * *

"Hi," Sirius says, but he is afraid that Remus will start shouting at him, or will tell him to go away again. He had given it half an hour, before following him to the lake.

"Hi," Remus says, not looking up. Sirius sits down next to him, and puts the map down on the ground.

"That's how I found you every time," he says, and Remus looks at him, an embarrassed look on his face.

"Why?"

"James, Peter, and I, we… we've become Animagus' in secret, so you're not so alone anymore," Sirius starts to explain. "It was supposed to be a surprise, but Peter is failing miserably. So we've been practising for months. But I managed it fairly quickly. I knew that you were out here alone, I saw it on the map, and I… well, I just didn't want you to be alone. So I figured I would join you, so you would have a dog to hang out with. I never thought that you would talk to me…" Sirius says, and Remus looks away, now feeling even more embarrassed. "But when you did, I kept coming, because I knew that you had to talk to someone, and you wouldn't talk to us. But you did talk to me when I was…"

"Snuffles," Remus says, feeling even more embarrassed, even though he didn't know it was possible.

"Yes," Sirius says, no sign of mockery in his voice. "I was only trying to help and be there for you. And I know that I was wrong for lying to you, but… I didn't want to see you hurting, and being so on your own. But I am truly sorry."

"But the things I told you… I even told you that I… well, you know…" Remus says, looking at him, and Sirius flashes a half-smile.

"You didn't tell me anything. You told Snuffles, and he promised to keep quiet. And he did. James and Peter, they don't know."

"Good," Remus says, but he isn't sure how he feels. He did tell Snuffles that he was in love with his best friend. So Sirius knows. How can they just pretend that that didn't happen?

* * *

It's been a few weeks, and Remus hasn't been on as many walks as before. He has been on a few, but now that Snuffles isn't there to keep him company anymore, he just doesn't enjoy it as much. Sirius had told James and Peter that he told Remus about them being Animagus', but he had kept quiet about what had happened. There was no need for them to know. After they had discussed them now all being able to transform into animals, willingly or not, they had decided to create nicknames. They had decided on Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. They had now finally figured out the perfect way to finish the Marauder's Map.

Things between Sirius and Remus have been different. They are spending more time together again, but it is slightly awkward. Sirius is acting as if nothing has happened, as if he knows nothing. But Remus can't forget, and every time he is near Sirius, he can't help but feel like he is about to explode from nerves and embarrassment. Not only is he in love with him, Sirius knows about it, but is pretending that he doesn't. It is too embarrassing for Remus, and he is struggling with it. But he doesn't want to ruin their friendship, so he has kept quiet so far.

"Do you want to help me with my…" Sirius tries, but Remus grabs a book from his nightstand.

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to ask," Sirius says, as he gets up.

"I'm busy."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"No," Remus says, but he isn't sounding very convincing. James and Peter had been struggling with a Jumping Glass, but they are now ignoring it, and they are looking over at their friends.

"No, tell me," Sirius says, and Remus puts the book back down. "What have I done wrong?"

"It's just…," Remus starts, but then he sees his friends looking over, and he stops talking. "Forget it."

"No, I will not forget about it," Sirius says, raising his voice. "Remus, tell me what I have done wrong. I do not want us to fight."

"It is just about what I told you when… well, you know," Remus tries, hoping that his best friend will understand.

"Oh… I thought you wanted me to forget about that."

"I don't know. Do you want to forget?" Remus asks. James and Peter are still following the conversation, even though they have no idea what it is about, the Jumping Glass still jumping around on their beds, making a mess of things.

"No," Sirius admits, a half-smile on his face. "Not at all. I have to admit that I was over the moon when you told me."

"Oh…." Remus isn't sure what to do or say now. Especially not with those two staring at them.

"What's going on?" James asks, looking confused.

"So… do you want to give it a go?" Sirius asks, ignoring James. He moves closer towards Remus' bed, and Remus sits up. "Because what you told me… I do hope we are talking about the same thing. Otherwise this is embarrassing. If you were only talking about you struggling to get a job in the future just now…"

"I wasn't," Remus laughs, his face having changed into a dark shade of red. "I was talking about well, that."

"Okay, what's going on?" Peter tries, but he is also ignored.

"Well, I feel the same way," Sirius says, as he sits down on the bed, facing Remus. He leans forward, so his mouth is close to Remus' ear. "I have been in love with you ever since I first laid eyes on you," he whispers, so their friends can't hear them.

"Really?" Remus asks, and Sirius nods.  
"Wait, are they…?" Peter asks, and he looks at James, who is staring at them with an open mouth.

"I think so," he says, and Sirius and Remus can't help but laugh.

"So?"

"Yes, I want to give it a go," Remus says, and Sirius' smile grows. He leans forward again, and gives Remus the sweetest, gentlest kiss on the lips. As soon as Sirius leans back again, there are fireworks going off, set off by James and Peter. Remus and Sirius are both blushing, but they look at each other, and they can't help but laugh.

"So we're all good?" Sirius asks, and Remus nods. They share another kiss, and Remus moves, so Sirius can sit down next to him. They cuddle up, both smiling, looking at their friends trying to catch the Jumping Glass. Remus' head had been so full of worries, so full of problems, and he had been distancing himself from his friends for so long. It had made him feel absolutely horrible. But now that he is here, with his friends, and Sirius, now still his best friend, but also his boyfriend, he feels better than he has felt in a long long time. Perhaps this is all he really needed. Perhaps they were all he really needed.


End file.
